Sunday, December 25, 2005
Gay Writers from 365Gay.com
Was Jesus Gay?
by Matt Johns 365Gay.com Los Angeles Bureau
Editor's Note: This story first appeared in 365Gay.com on Christmas Day 2003 and generated considerable debate on both sides of the issue. The debate over Jesus' sexuality continues, and likely never will be resolved.
(Los Angeles, California) As Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus few of them will be told in their churches and Cathedrals anything about the sexuality of Jesus, yet a growing group of Biblical scholars believe that Christ may have had at least one sexual relationship with another male.
Noted Methodist theologian Rev. Theodore Jennings Jr. and Dr Morton Smith, a world renowned Bible scholar, say there is irrefutable evidence that Jesus was at least bisexual. Dr Rollan McCleary of the University of Queensland, in Australia, says he has discovered through his research that three of the disciples were gay.
Prof. Smith points to a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958 which he says alludes to Jesus having a homosexual relationship with a youth he raised from the dead. The fragment shows that the full text of St. Mark, Chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the following passage:
"And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God".
Rev. Jennings, a professor at the United Church of Christ's Chicago Theological Seminary, points to the Gospel of St. John. In his book "The Man Jesus Loved: Homoerotic Narratives From the New Testament," Jennings writes that the reference in St John about "the disciple Jesus loved" was actually a reference to Jesus' gay boyfriend.
Jennings also claims the centurion's servant who was healed by Jesus actually was the centurion's gay boyfriend and that Jesus did not denounce their relationship.
Dr McCleary spent three years researching “gay spirituality”. His book, "Signs for a Messiah" says that Jesus and at least three of his disciples were gay, and Christianity in general is built on “gay principles”.
McCleary says that Christianity needs to recognize its homosexual roots and abandon the practice of alienating gays and spreading homophobia.
British gay rights advocate Peter Tatchell says even though the information about Jesus' sexuality remains scant, "there is certainly no evidence for the Church's presumption that he was heterosexual. Nothing in the Bible points to him having desires or relationships with women. The possibility of a gay Christ cannot be ruled out."
"Since there is no proof of the heterosexuality of Jesus, the theological basis of Church homophobia is all the more shaky and indefensible," Tatchell said.
"Large chunks of Jesus' life are missing from the Biblical accounts. This has fuelled speculation that the early Church sanitized the gospels, removing references to Christ's sexuality that were not in accord with the heterosexual morality that it wanted to promote", said Tatchell.
The Vatican has denounced the research by Jennings, Smith and McCleary as "heretical". It has also been denounced by Southern Baptists and evangelical Anglicans.
When recently asked if his research might be tainted because he is gay, McCleary said: "You could see that either way. You could also say that heterosexual people have their eyes wide shut on the matter, that they don't want to see that Jesus would have been of gay disposition.
"You maybe have to be gay to read the signals and to see things and research things which other people wouldn't," he added.
©365Gay.com 2005
Was Jesus Gay?
by Matt Johns 365Gay.com Los Angeles Bureau
Editor's Note: This story first appeared in 365Gay.com on Christmas Day 2003 and generated considerable debate on both sides of the issue. The debate over Jesus' sexuality continues, and likely never will be resolved.
(Los Angeles, California) As Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus few of them will be told in their churches and Cathedrals anything about the sexuality of Jesus, yet a growing group of Biblical scholars believe that Christ may have had at least one sexual relationship with another male.
Noted Methodist theologian Rev. Theodore Jennings Jr. and Dr Morton Smith, a world renowned Bible scholar, say there is irrefutable evidence that Jesus was at least bisexual. Dr Rollan McCleary of the University of Queensland, in Australia, says he has discovered through his research that three of the disciples were gay.
Prof. Smith points to a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958 which he says alludes to Jesus having a homosexual relationship with a youth he raised from the dead. The fragment shows that the full text of St. Mark, Chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the following passage:
"And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God".
Rev. Jennings, a professor at the United Church of Christ's Chicago Theological Seminary, points to the Gospel of St. John. In his book "The Man Jesus Loved: Homoerotic Narratives From the New Testament," Jennings writes that the reference in St John about "the disciple Jesus loved" was actually a reference to Jesus' gay boyfriend.
Jennings also claims the centurion's servant who was healed by Jesus actually was the centurion's gay boyfriend and that Jesus did not denounce their relationship.
Dr McCleary spent three years researching “gay spirituality”. His book, "Signs for a Messiah" says that Jesus and at least three of his disciples were gay, and Christianity in general is built on “gay principles”.
McCleary says that Christianity needs to recognize its homosexual roots and abandon the practice of alienating gays and spreading homophobia.
British gay rights advocate Peter Tatchell says even though the information about Jesus' sexuality remains scant, "there is certainly no evidence for the Church's presumption that he was heterosexual. Nothing in the Bible points to him having desires or relationships with women. The possibility of a gay Christ cannot be ruled out."
"Since there is no proof of the heterosexuality of Jesus, the theological basis of Church homophobia is all the more shaky and indefensible," Tatchell said.
"Large chunks of Jesus' life are missing from the Biblical accounts. This has fuelled speculation that the early Church sanitized the gospels, removing references to Christ's sexuality that were not in accord with the heterosexual morality that it wanted to promote", said Tatchell.
The Vatican has denounced the research by Jennings, Smith and McCleary as "heretical". It has also been denounced by Southern Baptists and evangelical Anglicans.
When recently asked if his research might be tainted because he is gay, McCleary said: "You could see that either way. You could also say that heterosexual people have their eyes wide shut on the matter, that they don't want to see that Jesus would have been of gay disposition.
"You maybe have to be gay to read the signals and to see things and research things which other people wouldn't," he added.
©365Gay.com 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Kennedy said Science picked evolution as the year's biggest breakthrough in part because it was a "hot topic," but stressed there was a wealth of research that justified the choice.
Other breakthroughs in the journal's Top 10 include research in planetary exploration, the molecular biology of flowers, the violent ways of neutron stars, the relationship between genetics and abnormal human behavior, the new field of cosmochemistry, a protein that controls the flow of potassium ions to cells, fresh evidence of global warming, an engineering approach to molecular biology and superconductivity.
Areas to watch for in 2006, according to Science, include the avian flu, ultra-high-energy cosmic rays and the possible sighting of the ivory-billed woodpecker, long presumed extinct but rediscovered in 2004.
Other breakthroughs in the journal's Top 10 include research in planetary exploration, the molecular biology of flowers, the violent ways of neutron stars, the relationship between genetics and abnormal human behavior, the new field of cosmochemistry, a protein that controls the flow of potassium ions to cells, fresh evidence of global warming, an engineering approach to molecular biology and superconductivity.
Areas to watch for in 2006, according to Science, include the avian flu, ultra-high-energy cosmic rays and the possible sighting of the ivory-billed woodpecker, long presumed extinct but rediscovered in 2004.
dream today, i was in the old house at 818 lewis drive in daytona beach, the house was under some kind of construction, and running water, as like a stream, was running thru the house, like the stream in the closet in nanas house in her mothers bedroom, that would appear in the floor of the closet, when it would ran a lot, for there was a stream under that house, somehow connecting to streams in the park behind the house at seneca street, and some friends, were helping repair the house, and i saw or felt diane, i have felt diane the last few days since i found the christmas card she gave me when she hired me in dec of 1996 at empact, a few months before her death from cancer in her neck, and my feeling of her as my quardian angel. i am living with james, its christmas 2005.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
dh to Garry, hippoluvr1
More options 3:17 am (0 minutes ago)
2ish am week of x mas
Mr. g m :
I hope your holiday season is going well. I just want to add that I am now 50 and will be 51 years old on 2/8/2006. I could also never return to my previous job due to severe back pain and knee pain. I can sit up in a chair for one to two hours, and then the pressure on the "bad disc", as Dr. Jackson calls it, causes such intense pain I have to lay down on ice packs. I have read this is a benign tumor and is called a hemangioma.
This vertebrae or whatever it is, disc, or whatever, has been a major source of pain for years for me, if I massage this area it swells up, and if I sit up and put pressure on it as sitting in a chair or a couch, it just makes the pain extreme and the pressure from the chair makes the lumbar region inflame. I know I sound like I am whinning and complaining...but its a relief to know what is causing all this horrible pain.
there is no way i can work due to this disc pain.
The neck pain is just as bad, dr shah said that vertebrae or disc was pushing on the spinal cord and is the cause for "discomfort"
"THERE IS A FOCUS OF INCREASED T 1 SIGNAL IDENTIFIED IN THE L4 VERTEBRAL BODY, COMPATIBLE WITH A BENIGN VERTEBRAL BODY HEMANGIOMA" (lower back pain)
The bulges, like you mentioned before, are not usually a source of pain unless they push on nerves, and most of my bulges, minues the one in my neck and in my lower back, appear to not be putting pressure on nerves
Regardless, I have been having pain in my whole back and neck for over two years, and pain in both knees for over three years, regardless of cause or what a doctor is finding to be the cause.
My aunt has many of the same trouble I have , and over the months and years her bulges have gotten worse, they are degenerative, and as I get older, its all going to get worse, and if some judge deems me not disabled at this point, in a few months to years, all this mess in my spine and neck will eventually get so bad I will be disabled....so I am hoping I am found disabled the first time around, so perhaps I can get disability, and make sure you get paid, and make sure pinellas county gets paid for helping me with rent.
Right now I am sitting up typing with a pillow at my lower back and a large blue ice pack between my back and the pillow, which allows me to type even though I am dealing with level 8 pain. I an only manage this for short periods of time, as the ice pack gets warm, the pressure of the ice pack and the pillow still hurts that hemangioma thing.
I will take a break, and after I get another cold ice pack out, I will finish this e mail. I have gone thru four ice packs since dr abrahamson prescribed them in august of 2002, the current one is being held together with duck tape, as when they fall apart this grey glue seaps out of the ice pack, and it gets all over my clothes and the floor.
I am going to try to get one of the doctors prescribe me four more when i go to physical therapy, because this is how i got them from healthsouth in 2002, they are invaluable and stop the pain in my back and neck better then any of the pain pills.. but only for 20 minutes at a time.
I know you must get really tired of my e mails, but I hope you wll be able to convey to the hearing judge what I have to go through to just to sit up in a chair. IT even hurts to sit in a wheelchair unless I use ice packs, and the whole wheelchair thing is a big hassle, but it does help me when I have to avoid walking more then 30 feet...but nothing helps the neck pain.
I am going to call the pain doctor in the next few weeks as the weather gets warmer, he is not listed as a pain specialist in the paperwork of doctors pinellas county gave me, so i do not know if he is really a pain doctor. he is not a podiatrist, he is a D.O.
or whatever the right name is for a pain doctor, i really do not think pinellas county has real pain doctors......
and there are no pain specialist doctors listed on the main doctor list from pinellas county, the one doctor they use to have under "pain specialist" has his name crossed out.
in workers compensation, when they sent me to a pain doctor, he had credentials and was called a podiatrist., or some name like that.......i just think dr shah refuses to prescribe pain medications to anyone, as i had been told that by the first case manager i met with pinellas county, what is the use of these doctors if they refuse to help patients that suffer with chronic pain, andn i have been suffering for over four years now, and its really making me go nuts!!!!
well you dont need to respond to this e mail at all, i know its the holidays and you have more important things to do then deal
with me.
dr shah still wants to refer me to a cardiologist, so I am going to make sure she does that when i see her next month, she was very concerned about my rapid heart rate, and she still is having problems getting my blood pressure done, she has doubled the
TOPROL XL 100MG, it makes me really dizzy, and she doubled the ALTACE 10MG....allthis pain is gonnan give me a heart attack, just like it keeps giving me panic attacks, even in my sleep, somedays it feels like all these pills dont do a anything for me at all, the pain meds dont stop the pain, the panic meds dont stop the attacks, and my blood pressure just keeps getting higher and i still get kidney stones every month, its like these doctors dont really care about helping anybody, its like they know they see me on a 6 month renewal basis, and at anytime, they wont see me anymore, and im gonna be on my own, broke, in pain, and im gonna have a stroke just like my grandmother or a massive heart attack just like my grand dad.
My case manager, ms jeanya mccoy, is leaving for a st pete office, so i will be getting a new case manager in three months at the belcher commons pinellas county dept of human services, so i will need to get to know her. Ms Mccoy renewed me for another 6 months, and when I see the new case manaager, she will give me three rent vouchers, and go over all my paperwork....
so that too is just a joke, no one is taking long enuff to get to know me, to get to help me, and in the long run, im just another patient........and no body really cares what happens to me, especially dr slomka! he said twice he could not do anything for me, he is supposed to help me! he is supposed to make me have a better quality of life!
when i was an hiv/aids case manager , i made sure all of my clients got the best of care, and i took care of 65 clients a month, and i got all of them food, rent, anything you could hope for, i was always there, 24 hours a day, and i make their lifes better, and that was before protease inhibitors in 1996, and most of my clients died, but i made sure they died with hospice and with dignity.
i hate being on this end of the process, i used to be able to help my clients, now im on the other end, and im just another number and to dr slomka he doenst even care how much pain i am in.
I really need an mri of both knees, as the pain is just really bad and i do not believe its just from "chronic muscle weakness" per dr slomka, he acts like i should have no pain in either knee, but i have sent him the old mri from 2002, but he is not compassionate at all, and the last two times I have seen him, he acts like the pain in my back and knees is in my head.
I have walked for him, and I have not whined or complained or made any sounds of noise from pain, I have told him I need to use the wheelchair cause his office is so large it hurts to walk in his huge office. would you believe this doctor has a water fall in his reception room, and coffee, and it takes a long time to walk from the front door to the water fall, then to his office, and then all the way back to the x ray room, and he shows no compassion for people like me that cant walk that far.
so when i used a wheelchair the second time i saw him, he would not see me because he had lost the referral from dr shah, that they had sent to him in september, so he sent me home that day, asking me why i was in a wheelchair, and i said i cant walk, and then when i did get to see him again, with the referral and the mri, he wouldnt even go over the results of the mri, and he made me walk again!.....it took dr shah and then dr jackson, to tell me what the mri meant, dr slomka only old me i had bulges, he didnt tell me they dont usually cause pain, and then he has the gaul to prescribe physical therapy when i keep telling him i can not walk! but i was nice, i was professional, i did not have any attitude, and i told him i would do anything he told me to do, because i wanted to get better............i just dont understand rich doctors, you should check out his office some day Garry, its the size of four houses, with tall vaulted ceilings, and a staff of 20 or more, its just makes me so mad i have to get in a cab that takes me 30 minutes to even get to him, for him to tell me he cant find the referral , and send me home.
and to make things worse, the pain doctor is in the same huge complex, i only have community transportation till june, then after that i will have to pay $35 dollars one way to see the pain doctor, or to see dr slomka, so in june, and after junen for the rest of this disability process, if I see dr slomka and the pain doctor, i am going to have to pay $70 bucks each time to see them, and how in the world can i afford t hat, so even if the pain doctor prescribes a better pain medication, i cant afford toeven get to see the doctor,
pinellas county no longer pays for medications from dr jackson, after paying for them for the last year, so pinellas county forces us to see their doctors, no matter how far away they are, so even if i do get a better pain med, i will not be able to afford the $70 dollar cab ride to pinellas park every 30 days , and dr shah says this is the only orthopeaic surgeon and the only pain doctor in my area, and i live in dunedin, this is just nuts!!!!
after june, i have no idea how i am going to pay to see any of these doctors, and if i stop seeing dr jackson, who gives me a cheaper pain medicatin that does not work as well as i have been taking it for two years now, after june my life is just going to fall apart!
up to june i can go anywhere in pinellas county for $3 one way to see all these doctors, and right now dr shah has me seeing her, dr slomka, the pain doctor, to physcial therapy, to a cardiologist, once a month, now after june, when i am no longer able to get the $3 dollar cab ride, because my room mate makes too much money, who can not take me to doctor s anymore as he has to work, and since i can not use a bus, im going to be in real trouble in june.
what is the point of all these doctors prescribeing all these meds for blood pressure, pain managment, kidney stones, and in fact, right now they have me taking 12 medications, so in june, i will have no way to get to any of these doctors, my blood pressure is going to go up, my pain is going to make me suicidal, i will have no way to get to the case manager for rent help, so my room mate will have no reason to let me live here anymore, all i iwill have is food stamps, but by june the pinellas community transortation program will not have the funds to take me to get groceries, and they have already told me they no longer have the funds to take me to a pharmacy to get these live saving medications they all have me on.....
and i know i am not the only person in this situation, i spoke with several new clients at the new belcher commons office last week after i saw ms mccoy, and most people are worse off then me, they have already exhausted their benefits...
its just not right, that george w bush is spending one billion dollars a week in iraq helping them when in 6 months i am going to be homeless, racked with pain, not able to walk, stand, or work,
i dont see how you can even stand it, you must hear this all the time from all your clients, you must just get sick and tired of listening to clients like myself who are afraid and are scared to death as to how the next year is going to un fold
well here i am panicing, at 3am iin the morning, i cant sleep, and the pain meds are t working, and its too cold, and fi cant sleep, and if i can do anything, i am going to get disability and go back into some kind of casemanagment services and help people, i was asking ms mcccoy if they had any openings for part time work.
well forgive me for ranting, you dont deserve all of this, you have been the only good thing that has happened to me, im just scared to death that all of this is going to fall apart, and it seemed like dr slomka didndt even care about the mri, i felt like
i was just another annoyance, and he didnt even make anohter appt to see me again, all he wanted to do was put me thru a month of pain, just to see what would happen to me, and in the end, he is getting rich, and im just literally dying of pain
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL OF THIS, SOME HOW I WILL GET OVER THIS.
dh
More options 3:17 am (0 minutes ago)
2ish am week of x mas
Mr. g m :
I hope your holiday season is going well. I just want to add that I am now 50 and will be 51 years old on 2/8/2006. I could also never return to my previous job due to severe back pain and knee pain. I can sit up in a chair for one to two hours, and then the pressure on the "bad disc", as Dr. Jackson calls it, causes such intense pain I have to lay down on ice packs. I have read this is a benign tumor and is called a hemangioma.
This vertebrae or whatever it is, disc, or whatever, has been a major source of pain for years for me, if I massage this area it swells up, and if I sit up and put pressure on it as sitting in a chair or a couch, it just makes the pain extreme and the pressure from the chair makes the lumbar region inflame. I know I sound like I am whinning and complaining...but its a relief to know what is causing all this horrible pain.
there is no way i can work due to this disc pain.
The neck pain is just as bad, dr shah said that vertebrae or disc was pushing on the spinal cord and is the cause for "discomfort"
"THERE IS A FOCUS OF INCREASED T 1 SIGNAL IDENTIFIED IN THE L4 VERTEBRAL BODY, COMPATIBLE WITH A BENIGN VERTEBRAL BODY HEMANGIOMA" (lower back pain)
The bulges, like you mentioned before, are not usually a source of pain unless they push on nerves, and most of my bulges, minues the one in my neck and in my lower back, appear to not be putting pressure on nerves
Regardless, I have been having pain in my whole back and neck for over two years, and pain in both knees for over three years, regardless of cause or what a doctor is finding to be the cause.
My aunt has many of the same trouble I have , and over the months and years her bulges have gotten worse, they are degenerative, and as I get older, its all going to get worse, and if some judge deems me not disabled at this point, in a few months to years, all this mess in my spine and neck will eventually get so bad I will be disabled....so I am hoping I am found disabled the first time around, so perhaps I can get disability, and make sure you get paid, and make sure pinellas county gets paid for helping me with rent.
Right now I am sitting up typing with a pillow at my lower back and a large blue ice pack between my back and the pillow, which allows me to type even though I am dealing with level 8 pain. I an only manage this for short periods of time, as the ice pack gets warm, the pressure of the ice pack and the pillow still hurts that hemangioma thing.
I will take a break, and after I get another cold ice pack out, I will finish this e mail. I have gone thru four ice packs since dr abrahamson prescribed them in august of 2002, the current one is being held together with duck tape, as when they fall apart this grey glue seaps out of the ice pack, and it gets all over my clothes and the floor.
I am going to try to get one of the doctors prescribe me four more when i go to physical therapy, because this is how i got them from healthsouth in 2002, they are invaluable and stop the pain in my back and neck better then any of the pain pills.. but only for 20 minutes at a time.
I know you must get really tired of my e mails, but I hope you wll be able to convey to the hearing judge what I have to go through to just to sit up in a chair. IT even hurts to sit in a wheelchair unless I use ice packs, and the whole wheelchair thing is a big hassle, but it does help me when I have to avoid walking more then 30 feet...but nothing helps the neck pain.
I am going to call the pain doctor in the next few weeks as the weather gets warmer, he is not listed as a pain specialist in the paperwork of doctors pinellas county gave me, so i do not know if he is really a pain doctor. he is not a podiatrist, he is a D.O.
or whatever the right name is for a pain doctor, i really do not think pinellas county has real pain doctors......
and there are no pain specialist doctors listed on the main doctor list from pinellas county, the one doctor they use to have under "pain specialist" has his name crossed out.
in workers compensation, when they sent me to a pain doctor, he had credentials and was called a podiatrist., or some name like that.......i just think dr shah refuses to prescribe pain medications to anyone, as i had been told that by the first case manager i met with pinellas county, what is the use of these doctors if they refuse to help patients that suffer with chronic pain, andn i have been suffering for over four years now, and its really making me go nuts!!!!
well you dont need to respond to this e mail at all, i know its the holidays and you have more important things to do then deal
with me.
dr shah still wants to refer me to a cardiologist, so I am going to make sure she does that when i see her next month, she was very concerned about my rapid heart rate, and she still is having problems getting my blood pressure done, she has doubled the
TOPROL XL 100MG, it makes me really dizzy, and she doubled the ALTACE 10MG....allthis pain is gonnan give me a heart attack, just like it keeps giving me panic attacks, even in my sleep, somedays it feels like all these pills dont do a anything for me at all, the pain meds dont stop the pain, the panic meds dont stop the attacks, and my blood pressure just keeps getting higher and i still get kidney stones every month, its like these doctors dont really care about helping anybody, its like they know they see me on a 6 month renewal basis, and at anytime, they wont see me anymore, and im gonna be on my own, broke, in pain, and im gonna have a stroke just like my grandmother or a massive heart attack just like my grand dad.
My case manager, ms jeanya mccoy, is leaving for a st pete office, so i will be getting a new case manager in three months at the belcher commons pinellas county dept of human services, so i will need to get to know her. Ms Mccoy renewed me for another 6 months, and when I see the new case manaager, she will give me three rent vouchers, and go over all my paperwork....
so that too is just a joke, no one is taking long enuff to get to know me, to get to help me, and in the long run, im just another patient........and no body really cares what happens to me, especially dr slomka! he said twice he could not do anything for me, he is supposed to help me! he is supposed to make me have a better quality of life!
when i was an hiv/aids case manager , i made sure all of my clients got the best of care, and i took care of 65 clients a month, and i got all of them food, rent, anything you could hope for, i was always there, 24 hours a day, and i make their lifes better, and that was before protease inhibitors in 1996, and most of my clients died, but i made sure they died with hospice and with dignity.
i hate being on this end of the process, i used to be able to help my clients, now im on the other end, and im just another number and to dr slomka he doenst even care how much pain i am in.
I really need an mri of both knees, as the pain is just really bad and i do not believe its just from "chronic muscle weakness" per dr slomka, he acts like i should have no pain in either knee, but i have sent him the old mri from 2002, but he is not compassionate at all, and the last two times I have seen him, he acts like the pain in my back and knees is in my head.
I have walked for him, and I have not whined or complained or made any sounds of noise from pain, I have told him I need to use the wheelchair cause his office is so large it hurts to walk in his huge office. would you believe this doctor has a water fall in his reception room, and coffee, and it takes a long time to walk from the front door to the water fall, then to his office, and then all the way back to the x ray room, and he shows no compassion for people like me that cant walk that far.
so when i used a wheelchair the second time i saw him, he would not see me because he had lost the referral from dr shah, that they had sent to him in september, so he sent me home that day, asking me why i was in a wheelchair, and i said i cant walk, and then when i did get to see him again, with the referral and the mri, he wouldnt even go over the results of the mri, and he made me walk again!.....it took dr shah and then dr jackson, to tell me what the mri meant, dr slomka only old me i had bulges, he didnt tell me they dont usually cause pain, and then he has the gaul to prescribe physical therapy when i keep telling him i can not walk! but i was nice, i was professional, i did not have any attitude, and i told him i would do anything he told me to do, because i wanted to get better............i just dont understand rich doctors, you should check out his office some day Garry, its the size of four houses, with tall vaulted ceilings, and a staff of 20 or more, its just makes me so mad i have to get in a cab that takes me 30 minutes to even get to him, for him to tell me he cant find the referral , and send me home.
and to make things worse, the pain doctor is in the same huge complex, i only have community transportation till june, then after that i will have to pay $35 dollars one way to see the pain doctor, or to see dr slomka, so in june, and after junen for the rest of this disability process, if I see dr slomka and the pain doctor, i am going to have to pay $70 bucks each time to see them, and how in the world can i afford t hat, so even if the pain doctor prescribes a better pain medication, i cant afford toeven get to see the doctor,
pinellas county no longer pays for medications from dr jackson, after paying for them for the last year, so pinellas county forces us to see their doctors, no matter how far away they are, so even if i do get a better pain med, i will not be able to afford the $70 dollar cab ride to pinellas park every 30 days , and dr shah says this is the only orthopeaic surgeon and the only pain doctor in my area, and i live in dunedin, this is just nuts!!!!
after june, i have no idea how i am going to pay to see any of these doctors, and if i stop seeing dr jackson, who gives me a cheaper pain medicatin that does not work as well as i have been taking it for two years now, after june my life is just going to fall apart!
up to june i can go anywhere in pinellas county for $3 one way to see all these doctors, and right now dr shah has me seeing her, dr slomka, the pain doctor, to physcial therapy, to a cardiologist, once a month, now after june, when i am no longer able to get the $3 dollar cab ride, because my room mate makes too much money, who can not take me to doctor s anymore as he has to work, and since i can not use a bus, im going to be in real trouble in june.
what is the point of all these doctors prescribeing all these meds for blood pressure, pain managment, kidney stones, and in fact, right now they have me taking 12 medications, so in june, i will have no way to get to any of these doctors, my blood pressure is going to go up, my pain is going to make me suicidal, i will have no way to get to the case manager for rent help, so my room mate will have no reason to let me live here anymore, all i iwill have is food stamps, but by june the pinellas community transortation program will not have the funds to take me to get groceries, and they have already told me they no longer have the funds to take me to a pharmacy to get these live saving medications they all have me on.....
and i know i am not the only person in this situation, i spoke with several new clients at the new belcher commons office last week after i saw ms mccoy, and most people are worse off then me, they have already exhausted their benefits...
its just not right, that george w bush is spending one billion dollars a week in iraq helping them when in 6 months i am going to be homeless, racked with pain, not able to walk, stand, or work,
i dont see how you can even stand it, you must hear this all the time from all your clients, you must just get sick and tired of listening to clients like myself who are afraid and are scared to death as to how the next year is going to un fold
well here i am panicing, at 3am iin the morning, i cant sleep, and the pain meds are t working, and its too cold, and fi cant sleep, and if i can do anything, i am going to get disability and go back into some kind of casemanagment services and help people, i was asking ms mcccoy if they had any openings for part time work.
well forgive me for ranting, you dont deserve all of this, you have been the only good thing that has happened to me, im just scared to death that all of this is going to fall apart, and it seemed like dr slomka didndt even care about the mri, i felt like
i was just another annoyance, and he didnt even make anohter appt to see me again, all he wanted to do was put me thru a month of pain, just to see what would happen to me, and in the end, he is getting rich, and im just literally dying of pain
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL OF THIS, SOME HOW I WILL GET OVER THIS.
dh
Monday, December 19, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Gmail - the lst thing i do 9pm tonight
Gmail Dave Hughes
the lst thing i do 9pm tonight
1 message
Dave Hughes Sun, Dec 18, 2005 at 9:12 PM
To: "BigBlkMusc256@aol.com", Dave Hughes
if its the lst thing i do , i will move out of this apartment when i get disability and i will construct my life with order, joy, and success.
and for those human beings who can not understand their own imaturity; i blow them to the wind, to be extinqished as any flame on a cold night.
i do not nor yet to continue to understand those that want to love me, and when the mood is wrong, those that seek to hate me and destroy me
i have no friends but those that can learn to grow up, and stop abusing me at any whim of their temperamental personalities, i have done my lot, I have provided rent, food, paid light bills, found a person a high paying job via monster .com, and was never thanked for it, and to the end, i continue to find myself in situations where i am yelled at, abused, told i am an insect,
and i have lost all patience with any good that might be tring to live and survive in that one human being i speak of tonight
there is no excuse for abuse, even when the person thinks he or she loves me, and wants to help me, for i always return in kind, with my help, with my support, my my money and food, but if the person can not grow beyound this manic meaness, then i give up, for it has been four years, and many years before that, and i still awake up some days, like today, to have that very soul i love too much, scream, yell, abuse, and give me all manner of grief, to such an extent, that in the ran, in pain, i have to walk away from this house, and tour a graveyard
yesterday i was yelled at because it was a faucet not turned off "right"......what will it be tomorrow?
i order and will it so that my life will change, and i will enjoy that independence, and i will survive, and i will live in my own home where no on, no one, can abuse me with words and outright meaness
its time god makes some fucing changes around here, via one lawyer, via one determined 50 year old soul, and to create a future worth something living for.....i have plenty of time, and that time is my time, its time within one or two years, that i get the fuck out of this madness living with this madman.
and off to st pete, and off to wetting my hands in clay to make a fu cin living or me, me, me and only, me.
--
dave hughes
Gmail Dave Hughes
the lst thing i do 9pm tonight
1 message
Dave Hughes
To: "BigBlkMusc256@aol.com"
if its the lst thing i do , i will move out of this apartment when i get disability and i will construct my life with order, joy, and success.
and for those human beings who can not understand their own imaturity; i blow them to the wind, to be extinqished as any flame on a cold night.
i do not nor yet to continue to understand those that want to love me, and when the mood is wrong, those that seek to hate me and destroy me
i have no friends but those that can learn to grow up, and stop abusing me at any whim of their temperamental personalities, i have done my lot, I have provided rent, food, paid light bills, found a person a high paying job via monster .com, and was never thanked for it, and to the end, i continue to find myself in situations where i am yelled at, abused, told i am an insect,
and i have lost all patience with any good that might be tring to live and survive in that one human being i speak of tonight
there is no excuse for abuse, even when the person thinks he or she loves me, and wants to help me, for i always return in kind, with my help, with my support, my my money and food, but if the person can not grow beyound this manic meaness, then i give up, for it has been four years, and many years before that, and i still awake up some days, like today, to have that very soul i love too much, scream, yell, abuse, and give me all manner of grief, to such an extent, that in the ran, in pain, i have to walk away from this house, and tour a graveyard
yesterday i was yelled at because it was a faucet not turned off "right"......what will it be tomorrow?
i order and will it so that my life will change, and i will enjoy that independence, and i will survive, and i will live in my own home where no on, no one, can abuse me with words and outright meaness
its time god makes some fucing changes around here, via one lawyer, via one determined 50 year old soul, and to create a future worth something living for.....i have plenty of time, and that time is my time, its time within one or two years, that i get the fuck out of this madness living with this madman.
and off to st pete, and off to wetting my hands in clay to make a fu cin living or me, me, me and only, me.
--
dave hughes
Saturday, December 17, 2005
New Scientist Is string theory in trouble? - Interview
tIs string theory in trouble?
17 December 2005
NewScientist.com news service
Amanda Gefter
Why are physicists taking the idea of multiple universes seriously now?
First, there was the discovery in the past few years that inflation seems right. This theory that the universe expanded spectacularly in the first fraction of a second fits a lot of data. Inflation tells us that the universe is probably extremely big and necessarily diverse. On sufficiently big scales, and if inflation lasts long enough, this diversity will produce every possible universe. The same process that forged our universe in a big bang will happen over and over. The mathematics are rickety, but that's what inflation implies: a huge universe with patches that are very different from one another. The bottom line is that we no longer have any good reason to believe that our tiny patch of universe is representative of the whole thing.
Second was the discovery that the value of the cosmological constant - the energy of empty space which contributes to the expansion rate of the universe - seems absurdly improbable, and nothing in fundamental physics is able to explain why. I remember when Steven Weinberg first suggested that the cosmological constant might be anthropically determined - that it has to be this way otherwise we would not be here to observe it. I was very impressed with the argument, but troubled by it. Like everybody else, I thought the cosmological constant was probably zero - meaning that all the quantum fluctuations that make up the vacuum energy cancel out, and gravity alone affects the expansion of the universe. It would be much easier to explain if they cancelled out to zero, rather than to nearly zero. The discovery that there is a non-zero cosmological constant changed everything. Still, those two things were not enough to tip the balance for me.
What finally convinced you?
The discovery in string theory of this large landscape of solutions, of different vacuums, which describe very different physical environments, tipped the scales for me. At first, string theorists thought there were about a million solutions. Thinking about Weinberg's argument and about the non-zero cosmological constant, I used to go around asking my mathematician friends: are you sure it's only a million? They all assured me it was the best bet.
But a million is not enough for anthropic explanations - the chances of one of the universes being suitable for life are still too small. When Joe Polchinski and Raphael Bousso wrote their paper in 2000 that revealed there are more like 10500 vacuums in string theory, that to me was the tipping point. The three things seemed to be coming together. I felt I couldn't ignore this possibility, so I wrote a paper saying so. The initial reaction was very hostile, but over the past couple of years people are taking it more seriously. They are worried that it might be true.
Steven Weinberg recently said that this is one of the great sea changes in fundamental science since Einstein, that it changes the nature of science itself. Is it such a radical change?
In a way it is very radical but in another way it isn't. The great ambition of physicists like myself was to explain why the laws of nature are just what they are. Why is the proton just about 1800 times heavier than the electron? Why do neutrinos exist? The great hope was that some deep mathematical principle would determine all the constants of nature, like Newton's constant. But it seems increasingly likely that the constants of nature are more like the temperature of the Earth - properties of our local environment that vary from place to place. Like the temperature, many of the constants have to be just so if intelligent life is to exist. So we live where life is possible.
For some physicists this idea is an incredible disappointment. Personally, I don't see it that way. I find it exciting to think that the universe may be much bigger, richer and full of variety than we ever expected. And it doesn't seem so incredibly philosophically radical to think that some things may be environmental.
In order to accept the idea that we live in a hospitable patch of a multiverse, must a physicist trade in that dream of a final theory?
Absolutely not. No more than when physicists discovered that the radii of planetary orbits were not determined by some elegant mathematical equation, or by Kepler's idea of nested Platonic solids. We simply have to reassess which things will be universal consequences of the theory and which will be consequences of cosmic history and local conditions.
So even if you accept the multiverse and the idea that certain local physical laws are anthropically determined, you still need a unique mega-theory to describe the whole multiverse? Surely it just pushs the question back?
Yes, absolutely. The bottom line is that we need to describe the whole thing, the whole universe or multiverse. It's a scientific question: is the universe on the largest scales big and diverse or is it homogeneous? We can hope to get an answer from string theory and we can hope to get some information from cosmology.
There is a philosophical objection called Popperism that people raise against the landscape idea. Popperism [after the philosopher Karl Popper] is the assertion that a scientific hypothesis has to be falsifiable, otherwise it's just metaphysics. Other worlds, alternative universes, things we can't see because they are beyond horizons, are in principle unfalsifiable and therefore metaphysical - that's the objection. But the belief that the universe beyond our causal horizon is homogeneous is just as speculative and just as susceptible to the Popperazzi.
Could there be some kind of selection principle that will emerge and pick out one unique string theory and one unique universe?
Anything is possible. My friend David Gross hopes that no selection principle will be necessary because only one universe will prove to make sense mathematically, or something like that. But so far there is no evidence for this view. Even most of the hard-core adherents to the uniqueness view admit that it looks bad.
Is it premature to invoke anthropic arguments - which assume that the conditions for life are extremely improbable - when we don't know how to define life?
The logic of the anthropic principle requires the strong assumption that our kind of life is the only kind possible. Why should we presume that all life is like us - carbon-based, needs water, and so forth? How do we know that life cannot exist in radically different environments? If life could exist without galaxies, the argument that the cosmological constant seems improbably fine-tuned for life would lose all of its force. And we don't know that life of all kinds can't exist in a wide variety of circumstances, maybe in all circumstances. It a valid objection. But in my heart of hearts, I just don't believe that life could exist in the interior of a star, for instance, or in a black hole.
Is it possible to test the landscape idea through observation?
One idea is to look for signs that space is negatively curved, meaning the geometry of space-time is saddle-shaped as opposed to flat or like the surface of a sphere. It's a long shot but not as unlikely as I previously thought. Inflation tells us that our observable universe likely began in a different vacuum state, that decayed into our current vacuum state. It's hard to believe that's the whole story. It seems more probable that our universe began in some other vacuum state with a much higher cosmological constant, and that the history of the multiverse is a series of quantum tunnelling events from one vacuum to another. If our universe came out of another, it must be negatively curved, and we might see evidence of that today on the largest scales of the cosmic microwave background. So the landscape, at least in principle, is testable.
If we do not accept the landscape idea are we stuck with intelligent design?
I doubt that physicists will see it that way. If, for some unforeseen reason, the landscape turns out to be inconsistent - maybe for mathematical reasons, or because it disagrees with observation - I am pretty sure that physicists will go on searching for natural explanations of the world. But I have to say that if that happens, as things stand now we will be in a very awkward position. Without any explanation of nature's fine-tunings we will be hard pressed to answer the ID critics. One might argue that the hope that a mathematically unique solution will emerge is as faith-based as ID.
Leonard Susskind
Leonard Susskind is the Felix Bloch Professor of Theoretical Physics at Stanford University in California. His book Cosmic Landscape: String theory and the illusion of intelligent design is published this week by Little, Brown ($24.95, £14.33, ISBN 0316155799)
Printed on Sat Dec 17 08:39:42 GMT 2005
tIs string theory in trouble?
17 December 2005
NewScientist.com news service
Amanda Gefter
Why are physicists taking the idea of multiple universes seriously now?
First, there was the discovery in the past few years that inflation seems right. This theory that the universe expanded spectacularly in the first fraction of a second fits a lot of data. Inflation tells us that the universe is probably extremely big and necessarily diverse. On sufficiently big scales, and if inflation lasts long enough, this diversity will produce every possible universe. The same process that forged our universe in a big bang will happen over and over. The mathematics are rickety, but that's what inflation implies: a huge universe with patches that are very different from one another. The bottom line is that we no longer have any good reason to believe that our tiny patch of universe is representative of the whole thing.
Second was the discovery that the value of the cosmological constant - the energy of empty space which contributes to the expansion rate of the universe - seems absurdly improbable, and nothing in fundamental physics is able to explain why. I remember when Steven Weinberg first suggested that the cosmological constant might be anthropically determined - that it has to be this way otherwise we would not be here to observe it. I was very impressed with the argument, but troubled by it. Like everybody else, I thought the cosmological constant was probably zero - meaning that all the quantum fluctuations that make up the vacuum energy cancel out, and gravity alone affects the expansion of the universe. It would be much easier to explain if they cancelled out to zero, rather than to nearly zero. The discovery that there is a non-zero cosmological constant changed everything. Still, those two things were not enough to tip the balance for me.
What finally convinced you?
The discovery in string theory of this large landscape of solutions, of different vacuums, which describe very different physical environments, tipped the scales for me. At first, string theorists thought there were about a million solutions. Thinking about Weinberg's argument and about the non-zero cosmological constant, I used to go around asking my mathematician friends: are you sure it's only a million? They all assured me it was the best bet.
But a million is not enough for anthropic explanations - the chances of one of the universes being suitable for life are still too small. When Joe Polchinski and Raphael Bousso wrote their paper in 2000 that revealed there are more like 10500 vacuums in string theory, that to me was the tipping point. The three things seemed to be coming together. I felt I couldn't ignore this possibility, so I wrote a paper saying so. The initial reaction was very hostile, but over the past couple of years people are taking it more seriously. They are worried that it might be true.
Steven Weinberg recently said that this is one of the great sea changes in fundamental science since Einstein, that it changes the nature of science itself. Is it such a radical change?
In a way it is very radical but in another way it isn't. The great ambition of physicists like myself was to explain why the laws of nature are just what they are. Why is the proton just about 1800 times heavier than the electron? Why do neutrinos exist? The great hope was that some deep mathematical principle would determine all the constants of nature, like Newton's constant. But it seems increasingly likely that the constants of nature are more like the temperature of the Earth - properties of our local environment that vary from place to place. Like the temperature, many of the constants have to be just so if intelligent life is to exist. So we live where life is possible.
For some physicists this idea is an incredible disappointment. Personally, I don't see it that way. I find it exciting to think that the universe may be much bigger, richer and full of variety than we ever expected. And it doesn't seem so incredibly philosophically radical to think that some things may be environmental.
In order to accept the idea that we live in a hospitable patch of a multiverse, must a physicist trade in that dream of a final theory?
Absolutely not. No more than when physicists discovered that the radii of planetary orbits were not determined by some elegant mathematical equation, or by Kepler's idea of nested Platonic solids. We simply have to reassess which things will be universal consequences of the theory and which will be consequences of cosmic history and local conditions.
So even if you accept the multiverse and the idea that certain local physical laws are anthropically determined, you still need a unique mega-theory to describe the whole multiverse? Surely it just pushs the question back?
Yes, absolutely. The bottom line is that we need to describe the whole thing, the whole universe or multiverse. It's a scientific question: is the universe on the largest scales big and diverse or is it homogeneous? We can hope to get an answer from string theory and we can hope to get some information from cosmology.
There is a philosophical objection called Popperism that people raise against the landscape idea. Popperism [after the philosopher Karl Popper] is the assertion that a scientific hypothesis has to be falsifiable, otherwise it's just metaphysics. Other worlds, alternative universes, things we can't see because they are beyond horizons, are in principle unfalsifiable and therefore metaphysical - that's the objection. But the belief that the universe beyond our causal horizon is homogeneous is just as speculative and just as susceptible to the Popperazzi.
Could there be some kind of selection principle that will emerge and pick out one unique string theory and one unique universe?
Anything is possible. My friend David Gross hopes that no selection principle will be necessary because only one universe will prove to make sense mathematically, or something like that. But so far there is no evidence for this view. Even most of the hard-core adherents to the uniqueness view admit that it looks bad.
Is it premature to invoke anthropic arguments - which assume that the conditions for life are extremely improbable - when we don't know how to define life?
The logic of the anthropic principle requires the strong assumption that our kind of life is the only kind possible. Why should we presume that all life is like us - carbon-based, needs water, and so forth? How do we know that life cannot exist in radically different environments? If life could exist without galaxies, the argument that the cosmological constant seems improbably fine-tuned for life would lose all of its force. And we don't know that life of all kinds can't exist in a wide variety of circumstances, maybe in all circumstances. It a valid objection. But in my heart of hearts, I just don't believe that life could exist in the interior of a star, for instance, or in a black hole.
Is it possible to test the landscape idea through observation?
One idea is to look for signs that space is negatively curved, meaning the geometry of space-time is saddle-shaped as opposed to flat or like the surface of a sphere. It's a long shot but not as unlikely as I previously thought. Inflation tells us that our observable universe likely began in a different vacuum state, that decayed into our current vacuum state. It's hard to believe that's the whole story. It seems more probable that our universe began in some other vacuum state with a much higher cosmological constant, and that the history of the multiverse is a series of quantum tunnelling events from one vacuum to another. If our universe came out of another, it must be negatively curved, and we might see evidence of that today on the largest scales of the cosmic microwave background. So the landscape, at least in principle, is testable.
If we do not accept the landscape idea are we stuck with intelligent design?
I doubt that physicists will see it that way. If, for some unforeseen reason, the landscape turns out to be inconsistent - maybe for mathematical reasons, or because it disagrees with observation - I am pretty sure that physicists will go on searching for natural explanations of the world. But I have to say that if that happens, as things stand now we will be in a very awkward position. Without any explanation of nature's fine-tunings we will be hard pressed to answer the ID critics. One might argue that the hope that a mathematically unique solution will emerge is as faith-based as ID.
Leonard Susskind
Leonard Susskind is the Felix Bloch Professor of Theoretical Physics at Stanford University in California. His book Cosmic Landscape: String theory and the illusion of intelligent design is published this week by Little, Brown ($24.95, £14.33, ISBN 0316155799)
Printed on Sat Dec 17 08:39:42 GMT 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Back.com - Causes - Tumors - Benign
Hemangioma
A hemangioma is a benign tumor that can involve the body of the vertebra. This tumor is often found in the lower thoracic or upper lumbar spine, usually involving only a single vertebra. Interestingly, not all hemangiomas produce symptoms such as pain. Hemangiomas typically occur during mid-life, affecting females more often than males.
The most common symptom associated with a hemangioma is pain. This is typically the result of a large hemangioma involving the entire vertebral body. Hemangiomas may be discovered as part of an evaluation for back pain. They have a very characteristic appearance on regular x-rays, referred to as " honeycombing." There may also be a varying degree of collapse and loss of vertebral height with extensive involvement. When the collapse is severe, impingement on the spinal cord or neural elements will produce severe pain and loss of function in the legs, bowel or bladder.
There are a number of treatment options for vertebral hemangioma, ranging from observation to radiation to surgical resection. Treatment decisions are based upon the severity of symptoms or neurologic compromise. The management of a vertebral hemangioma must take into account the generous blood supply of the lesion, and requires careful planning by the surgeon involved in your care before surgical treatment is recommended.
Click here to find a doctor who treats begnin tumors.
Hemangioma
A hemangioma is a benign tumor that can involve the body of the vertebra. This tumor is often found in the lower thoracic or upper lumbar spine, usually involving only a single vertebra. Interestingly, not all hemangiomas produce symptoms such as pain. Hemangiomas typically occur during mid-life, affecting females more often than males.
The most common symptom associated with a hemangioma is pain. This is typically the result of a large hemangioma involving the entire vertebral body. Hemangiomas may be discovered as part of an evaluation for back pain. They have a very characteristic appearance on regular x-rays, referred to as " honeycombing." There may also be a varying degree of collapse and loss of vertebral height with extensive involvement. When the collapse is severe, impingement on the spinal cord or neural elements will produce severe pain and loss of function in the legs, bowel or bladder.
There are a number of treatment options for vertebral hemangioma, ranging from observation to radiation to surgical resection. Treatment decisions are based upon the severity of symptoms or neurologic compromise. The management of a vertebral hemangioma must take into account the generous blood supply of the lesion, and requires careful planning by the surgeon involved in your care before surgical treatment is recommended.
Click here to find a doctor who treats begnin tumors.