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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
they were all here this weekend, staying at danas, i e mailed dana saying i would love to see everyone, she e mailed me back, saying: "Don't know how freaked we're all gonna be and how long they'll be here."
james asked me tonight what kind of mother i have, who would come all this way and not even call, not even visit me, they were all here for hurrincane francis, i thought i would at least be able to see them for lunch, like last march, but no one reached out, no one gave a damn
for the past two months i have sent them all free e cards from hallmark, i thought it would be a nice thing to do, james says that the way they would see it is they think i am softing them up to ask them for money
i have never asked carol, rod, or even my mom for money in many many years, i have been on my own, disabled and unable to work, since march 2002, and on one cares, except for james g, james j, and teri b.
so i called my sister today, as she has not responded to any of my e mails in a few days, i figured i could go over there and see them, but no one answers her phone, maybe she is without electricity
everyone in my family is a christian, dana even got mad at me a few months ago saying to stop e mailing them quotes from the buddist web site i like, she said they were not buddist.....
they call themselves christians, im not going to "judge" them, but i never killed anyone, i never really hurt anyone, they all had expectations of me, like 30 years ago, and i didnt become the person they wanted me to be
and i have tried and tried, to make amends, to get them to "like me again", carol and rod emailed me when i was counseling kids, that the best thing i could do in my life was help kids, but now that i am disabled, im in the shit house, i am lower then dirt, i dont even get one visit, they came hundreds of miles to stay with my sister, and im maybe like ten miles away, and no one even called, no one even mailed, am i whining too much?
seems like i can do nothing right, im in the same boat as my father...
i quess im gonna just get on with my life, pick up the peices, figure out how i am doing to live with this arthritis thing and only getting social security for the rest of my life,
quess its time i stopped sending those nice e mail cards, no one cares, at least no one in my family
time to just stop
james asked me tonight what kind of mother i have, who would come all this way and not even call, not even visit me, they were all here for hurrincane francis, i thought i would at least be able to see them for lunch, like last march, but no one reached out, no one gave a damn
for the past two months i have sent them all free e cards from hallmark, i thought it would be a nice thing to do, james says that the way they would see it is they think i am softing them up to ask them for money
i have never asked carol, rod, or even my mom for money in many many years, i have been on my own, disabled and unable to work, since march 2002, and on one cares, except for james g, james j, and teri b.
so i called my sister today, as she has not responded to any of my e mails in a few days, i figured i could go over there and see them, but no one answers her phone, maybe she is without electricity
everyone in my family is a christian, dana even got mad at me a few months ago saying to stop e mailing them quotes from the buddist web site i like, she said they were not buddist.....
they call themselves christians, im not going to "judge" them, but i never killed anyone, i never really hurt anyone, they all had expectations of me, like 30 years ago, and i didnt become the person they wanted me to be
and i have tried and tried, to make amends, to get them to "like me again", carol and rod emailed me when i was counseling kids, that the best thing i could do in my life was help kids, but now that i am disabled, im in the shit house, i am lower then dirt, i dont even get one visit, they came hundreds of miles to stay with my sister, and im maybe like ten miles away, and no one even called, no one even mailed, am i whining too much?
seems like i can do nothing right, im in the same boat as my father...
i quess im gonna just get on with my life, pick up the peices, figure out how i am doing to live with this arthritis thing and only getting social security for the rest of my life,
quess its time i stopped sending those nice e mail cards, no one cares, at least no one in my family
time to just stop
