Saturday, August 31, 2002
Friday, August 30, 2002
i also sent in the paperwork today for unemployment benefits
i hope to get that, it would help so much
i need funds as i really can not work at this time
even thou both docs have released me to work
it hurts to even walk
when will justice be served?
are my spiritual guides at work here with this doctor?
i hope to get that, it would help so much
i need funds as i really can not work at this time
even thou both docs have released me to work
it hurts to even walk
when will justice be served?
are my spiritual guides at work here with this doctor?
Thursday, August 29, 2002
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Monday, August 26, 2002
Bush aides: No Iraq war vote needed �George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Delano Roosevelt never claimed war powers close to what Bush is claiming,� said Bruce Fein, a constitutional scholar who was associate deputy attorney general in the Reagan administration
Sunday, August 25, 2002
NOVA Online | Cracking the Code of Life | Watch the Program Here this is like so cool, if you have broadband, you can watch the entire series
you can also watch other pbs series this way also, dont you just love the computer age
dave hell
you can also watch other pbs series this way also, dont you just love the computer age
dave hell
"Hi, don't worry that you are lost, or even that everything is for not. I ask myself the same, the very same questions that you do. There was evil then as there is evil now. Good doesn't seem so obvious. Of course we are becoming totally self posessed with maturity. Sometimes it seems that our identities are all we have to hold on to. I'm still fighting the good fight, I plan to be doing that the day all this ends.
I finished the painting of the Kenmore last week, working on a small street scene of NYC. Your writing is wonderful, like your drawing, because it's you. It's not Degas or Whitman or anybody else, fuck them all! It's all you. It's not about me or James, or your mother, or your mother's god. It's all about you, your pain, your lost , your joy, your fucking life!
A kid that I work with was offended, because I said that a person could be a loser at any age and at any economic level. I didn't bother to explain it to him, he may never understand, I don't really give a shit. I'm working out alot and painting everyday, that's all I care about, everything else is pure bullshit to me. You're the only friend that I have on earth. There's not much that we can do for each other than
listen. Most humans are totally incapable of that!
I need to paint, go to work, and workout.
I believe that romantic love is part of the same big lie that religion likes to foster upon us. It's like going on a cruise,
who says that being in paradise is great for everyone. I personally think that you have to be brain dead to enjoy that kind of thing. I'm sorry, I just feel like ranting. The world is so fucked up.
Take care"
TOOL
I finished the painting of the Kenmore last week, working on a small street scene of NYC. Your writing is wonderful, like your drawing, because it's you. It's not Degas or Whitman or anybody else, fuck them all! It's all you. It's not about me or James, or your mother, or your mother's god. It's all about you, your pain, your lost , your joy, your fucking life!
A kid that I work with was offended, because I said that a person could be a loser at any age and at any economic level. I didn't bother to explain it to him, he may never understand, I don't really give a shit. I'm working out alot and painting everyday, that's all I care about, everything else is pure bullshit to me. You're the only friend that I have on earth. There's not much that we can do for each other than
listen. Most humans are totally incapable of that!
I need to paint, go to work, and workout.
I believe that romantic love is part of the same big lie that religion likes to foster upon us. It's like going on a cruise,
who says that being in paradise is great for everyone. I personally think that you have to be brain dead to enjoy that kind of thing. I'm sorry, I just feel like ranting. The world is so fucked up.
Take care"
TOOL
you know who i want to blame
i want to blame the christians that really started it all
during the crusades
if religion did not exist, what could i put in its place
love for sure, rather then hate
for religion seems to offer hatred in all of its colors, from
blackest black to blinding white
religion has created in itself a monster in humankind
that kills kills kills for not
i want to blame the christians that really started it all
during the crusades
if religion did not exist, what could i put in its place
love for sure, rather then hate
for religion seems to offer hatred in all of its colors, from
blackest black to blinding white
religion has created in itself a monster in humankind
that kills kills kills for not
ultradio -- september 11th, 2001this site starts with a pic of sept 11, 2001 and continues with more photos
i moved to fortlauderdale thinking i could make a better living and
to get over my boyfriend jay
i first worked at a gay theatre
my second job i was the personal assitant to
two guys worth 99 million dollars
william and steven
i got tired of having to work and do chores
i got fired the day before thankgiving
everyone living in fort lauderdale is either dying from aids
or gone mad with money
there is no middle class there
to get over my boyfriend jay
i first worked at a gay theatre
my second job i was the personal assitant to
two guys worth 99 million dollars
william and steven
i got tired of having to work and do chores
i got fired the day before thankgiving
everyone living in fort lauderdale is either dying from aids
or gone mad with money
there is no middle class there
i was living in fort lauderdale september eleven 2001
the week before to the day and hour my car had caught fire while i was delivering a
resume to an elementary school i wanted to work at
one of my kids, corey a, was a student there
my car ended up in flames
so i bought a bike and for the next few months did my best
until my knees went bad from restraining children daily at
Kids In Distress in wilton manors, florida
i was sleeping during the nightmare
i awoke to a changed horrified world
where madness eats at our hearts
the week before to the day and hour my car had caught fire while i was delivering a
resume to an elementary school i wanted to work at
one of my kids, corey a, was a student there
my car ended up in flames
so i bought a bike and for the next few months did my best
until my knees went bad from restraining children daily at
Kids In Distress in wilton manors, florida
i was sleeping during the nightmare
i awoke to a changed horrified world
where madness eats at our hearts
Boston.com / Museum of Fine Arts, Boston / Picasso: The Early Years, 1892-1906 The most celebrated artist of the twentieth century, Pablo Picasso was a prodigy whose virtuosity, imagination, and expressive power were evident long before he reached the age of twenty.
Pablo Picasso on the Internet
We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand.
- Pablo Picasso
We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand.
- Pablo Picasso
Subaru Discovers an Exploding Galaxy at the Edge of the Universe Subaru Discovers an Exploding Galaxy at the Edge of the Universe
By SPACE.com Staff
posted: 09:13 am ET
23 August 2002
By SPACE.com Staff
posted: 09:13 am ET
23 August 2002
Eleven years of constant searching is over Eleven years of constant searching is over
The Hubble Space Telescope issues its final word on the speed at which the Universe is expanding.
6 June 2001
The Hubble Space Telescope issues its final word on the speed at which the Universe is expanding.
6 June 2001
Is physics watching over us? Is physics watching over us?
Our Universe is so unlikely that we must be missing something.
13 August 2002
Our Universe is so unlikely that we must be missing something.
13 August 2002
Einstein said it couldn�t be done Dec. 10, 1997 � Scientists have pulled off a startling trick that looks like the �Beam-me-up-Scotty� technology of science fiction. In an Austrian laboratory, scientists destroyed bits of light in one place and made perfect replicas appear about 3 feet away
Decoding the secrets of your brain Decoding the secrets of your brain
Ethicists say neuroscience is as controversial as cloning
Ethicists say neuroscience is as controversial as cloning
Speed-of-light debate flashes again SYDNEY, Aug. 8 � Australian scientists have proposed that the speed of light may not be a constant, a revolutionary idea that could unseat one of the most cherished laws of modern physics � Einstein�s theory of relativity.
CNN.com - Report: cosmos could be much older than thought - July 11, 2002 The universe could be much older than previously expected, based on an examination of X-rays from a peculiar body near the edge of the known cosmos, the European Space Agency said this week.
Saturday, August 24, 2002
nova on pbs, genetics, aug 27 on tv
you can also watch the whole series on ur pc if you have broadband
you can also watch the whole series on ur pc if you have broadband
monday, september 11/2000: i dreamt of big semi trucks and huge concrete pipes rolling at my on the road, and the driver of our vehicle swearing and missing the objects, of a friend of mine getting electric shock, and feeling better, and i swear johnny jordon was in this dream,
i dreamt last week of nana opening multiple books, and wonderful things, clothing, art objects, tiny and small at first ,folding themselves out of these books, into huge huge beautiful objects, and of red drawing, wonderful blood red drawings
i have an awful headache today, im out of bread, i have no food
why did i ever move here, move to fort lauderdale
dave hell
i dreamt last week of nana opening multiple books, and wonderful things, clothing, art objects, tiny and small at first ,folding themselves out of these books, into huge huge beautiful objects, and of red drawing, wonderful blood red drawings
i have an awful headache today, im out of bread, i have no food
why did i ever move here, move to fort lauderdale
dave hell
"Hi, it's 10:24 pm aug 22. I just got home, have been at work since 10 am. Yesterday I had jury duty plus worked last night. I had a fitful, sleepless night, feeling sorry for myself, like I have a real reason to be. I think that everyone can be down, no matter the situation. I don't care anymore. The only thing that bothers me is that I didn't get to paint yesterday or today. Bills, bills, and more bills, things were worst last year at this time.
Work is a great distraction from life, lots of pretty straight boys everywhere. They are a rowdy bodacious bunch of butchness.
I understand pain very well, when I was young I had alot of toothaches. I know that it's impossible when the pain just sears through your skin, and very little will relieve it. I wish that there was something that you could take that isn't addictive, but what are you going to do. I say do what you
have too. I just hope that James can be patient.
Take care of yourself. "
TOOL
Work is a great distraction from life, lots of pretty straight boys everywhere. They are a rowdy bodacious bunch of butchness.
I understand pain very well, when I was young I had alot of toothaches. I know that it's impossible when the pain just sears through your skin, and very little will relieve it. I wish that there was something that you could take that isn't addictive, but what are you going to do. I say do what you
have too. I just hope that James can be patient.
Take care of yourself. "
TOOL
"He was a sculptor, first and foremost, I'm sure that working marble was very difficult in his later years. I sure that you have seen how much work that he had left unfinished at his death, also he was unlucky with love. He was in love with a beautiful boy, who was nothing but a pig, cared only about money; I can really relate to that. I haven't thought about him for several years, his life I mean. The Agony and the Ectasy was a very good book. They said that only a gay man would let anyone do that to himself. If they only knew, they make me laugh so much. They would just die, I could play any one of them like a musical instrument."
TOOL
TOOL
Friday, August 23, 2002
"I live alone and miserable, trapped as marrow under the bark of the tree. My voice is like a wasp caught in a bag of skin and bones. My teeth shake and rattle like the keys of a musical instrument. My face is a scarecrow. My ears never cease to buzz. In one of them, a spider weaves its web, in the other one, a cricket sings all night long. My rattling catarrh won't let me sleep. This is the state where art has led me, after granting me glory. Poor, old, beaten, I will be reduced to nothing, if death does not come swiftly to my rescue. Pains have quartered me, torn me, broken me and death is the only inn awaiting me."
michelangelo
michelangelo
"He gave names to the statues of the sarcophagi: Dawn, Dusk, Day and Night. In reality, these were just words, for these statues represented nothing but human beings. They are the symbol of suffering mankind. It is because they are crying that they are alive; their suffering gives them all their beauty. Only Michelangelo could find words worthy of being pronounced regarding his work, and in a famous verse, he himself tells us of the dark despair of his soul:
"It is my pleasure to sleep and even more to be stone:
As long as shame and dishonor may last,
My sole desire is to see and to feel no more.
Speak softly, I beg you, do not awaken me."
Michelangelo (Michelangelo�COM )
"It is my pleasure to sleep and even more to be stone:
As long as shame and dishonor may last,
My sole desire is to see and to feel no more.
Speak softly, I beg you, do not awaken me."
Michelangelo (Michelangelo�COM )
"This comes from dangling from the ceiling�
I'm goitered like a Lombard cat
(or wherever else their throats grow fat)�
it's my belly that's beyond concealing,
it hands beneath my chin like peeling.
My beard points skyward, I seem a bat
upon its back, I've breasts and splat!
On my face the paint's congealing.
Loins concertina'd in my gut,
I drop an arse as counterweight
and move without the help of eyes.
Like a skinned martyr I abut
on air, and, wrinkled, show my fat.
Bow-like, I strain toward the skies.
No wonder then I size
things crookedly; I'm on all fours.
Bent blowpipes send their darts off-course.
Defend my labor's cause,
good Giovanni, from all strictures:
I live in hell and paint its pictures."
Michelangelo Buonarroti
I'm goitered like a Lombard cat
(or wherever else their throats grow fat)�
it's my belly that's beyond concealing,
it hands beneath my chin like peeling.
My beard points skyward, I seem a bat
upon its back, I've breasts and splat!
On my face the paint's congealing.
Loins concertina'd in my gut,
I drop an arse as counterweight
and move without the help of eyes.
Like a skinned martyr I abut
on air, and, wrinkled, show my fat.
Bow-like, I strain toward the skies.
No wonder then I size
things crookedly; I'm on all fours.
Bent blowpipes send their darts off-course.
Defend my labor's cause,
good Giovanni, from all strictures:
I live in hell and paint its pictures."
Michelangelo Buonarroti
Thursday, August 22, 2002
another fav of mine, henry moore, i remember crying the day he died
i remember crying the day dali died, such unique spirits we now have to visit upon us in our dreams and in our realities
i remember crying the day dali died, such unique spirits we now have to visit upon us in our dreams and in our realities
dali
YOU MUST SEE THIS SITE
you can visit the three museums in spain here
and see a lot of his work
a lot of it is a virtual tour
enjoy
and if you are ever in my area, visit the museum
in saint petersburg, give me a buzz
YOU MUST SEE THIS SITE
you can visit the three museums in spain here
and see a lot of his work
a lot of it is a virtual tour
enjoy
and if you are ever in my area, visit the museum
in saint petersburg, give me a buzz
my first job was on daytona beach as a maid
at the sea dip motel
spring break was so fucin cool in 1970
the things i saw, the things i did
me all bronze
from livin on the beach
sucin in the salt air all day
the war in vietnam was still on
i just missed being drafted three years later
the air was different then
at the sea dip motel
spring break was so fucin cool in 1970
the things i saw, the things i did
me all bronze
from livin on the beach
sucin in the salt air all day
the war in vietnam was still on
i just missed being drafted three years later
the air was different then
what is its purpose
what is its intentions
i was not alone
tool was there too
his memory was not affected
he was the one, in 1996, said "do you remember?"
for starters i remembered how scared i was
for starters i remembered how impossible this is
this can not be happening to me
so i quess my mind just shut down
so i guess my mind just shut it all out
overload, all breakers blown
complete and total amnesia
then i remembered
what is its intentions
i was not alone
tool was there too
his memory was not affected
he was the one, in 1996, said "do you remember?"
for starters i remembered how scared i was
for starters i remembered how impossible this is
this can not be happening to me
so i quess my mind just shut down
so i guess my mind just shut it all out
overload, all breakers blown
complete and total amnesia
then i remembered
1996
i walked into a gnc store to buy creatine in tampa, florida
the lady at the register looks at me and says
"you have been given a gift, you have seen something havent you"
i knew what she spoke of, she spoke of the darkness of 1976
she wore a crystal around her neck
she could see into me
yeah, something looked into my brain that year
something turned my hair white that year
something erased my memory for the next twenty years
i think it fuced with my dna, i think it fuced with my mind and soul
i think it planted itself in some part of my brain
i am no longer just human, maybe something a little over human
something i describe as
the metallic ape
i walked into a gnc store to buy creatine in tampa, florida
the lady at the register looks at me and says
"you have been given a gift, you have seen something havent you"
i knew what she spoke of, she spoke of the darkness of 1976
she wore a crystal around her neck
she could see into me
yeah, something looked into my brain that year
something turned my hair white that year
something erased my memory for the next twenty years
i think it fuced with my dna, i think it fuced with my mind and soul
i think it planted itself in some part of my brain
i am no longer just human, maybe something a little over human
something i describe as
the metallic ape
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
tonights pain is an eight on a scale from one to ten
why after two days after physical therapy would
my left knee and back go to hell and make me scream
fucin shit
a ganglion cyst in my left knee, and i have no idea
what the fuck that is, and the fucin doc didnt even bother
to tell me the results of the mri
what the fuck
why after two days after physical therapy would
my left knee and back go to hell and make me scream
fucin shit
a ganglion cyst in my left knee, and i have no idea
what the fuck that is, and the fucin doc didnt even bother
to tell me the results of the mri
what the fuck
one has to live in the present
one has to deal with shit and get pass it
one has to remain positive
in the face of major injuries
and healing time which lasts longer then one planned
one has to make the best of the time here
if friends and family don't understand, so be it
one has to stay true to oneself
and make the dreams come true
one has to deal with shit and get pass it
one has to remain positive
in the face of major injuries
and healing time which lasts longer then one planned
one has to make the best of the time here
if friends and family don't understand, so be it
one has to stay true to oneself
and make the dreams come true
maybe love is not an answer
maybe there are no answers
but there must be a better way to make life better
for myself
for all
maybe this time here is just some kind of preparation for
something else, after death
but how can i know
there is no way to know
no matter how many mediums there are
or how many religious leaders or saints there are
no body knows why we are here
or what happens after death
how do i live, how do we live, without answers?
maybe there are no answers
but there must be a better way to make life better
for myself
for all
maybe this time here is just some kind of preparation for
something else, after death
but how can i know
there is no way to know
no matter how many mediums there are
or how many religious leaders or saints there are
no body knows why we are here
or what happens after death
how do i live, how do we live, without answers?
"I believe that romantic love is part of the same big lie that religion likes to foster upon us. It's like going on a cruise,
who says that being in paradise is great for everyone. I personally think that you have to be brain dead to enjoy that kind of thing. I sorry, I just feel like ranting. The world is so fucked up."
JJ. (tool)
who says that being in paradise is great for everyone. I personally think that you have to be brain dead to enjoy that kind of thing. I sorry, I just feel like ranting. The world is so fucked up."
JJ. (tool)
my sat scores in high school were awful
my gpa in high school was a perfect four point o
i graduated high school summa cum laude
i even had four years of latin, but
i do not test well
due to making a mistake on a test in the 7th grade
i had to take below average english classes thru 12th grade
with no humanities courses
when i got to dbcc, as i first could not get into stetson per my sat scores
i took a clep test, and i passed two semesters of humanities, 6 semester hours!
having never taken a course in humanities
all that time spent in the library in junior high school paid off
i was to be a biologist, but i had a deathful fear of calculus
and changed my major to sociology, i still to this day feel that was a mistake
after the darkness in 1976 i was able to teach myself calculus
but then, the gods know i would be a good counselor
and in the past ten years i have helped many abused kids
deal with their problems
i am a children's counselor
and an artist
my gpa in high school was a perfect four point o
i graduated high school summa cum laude
i even had four years of latin, but
i do not test well
due to making a mistake on a test in the 7th grade
i had to take below average english classes thru 12th grade
with no humanities courses
when i got to dbcc, as i first could not get into stetson per my sat scores
i took a clep test, and i passed two semesters of humanities, 6 semester hours!
having never taken a course in humanities
all that time spent in the library in junior high school paid off
i was to be a biologist, but i had a deathful fear of calculus
and changed my major to sociology, i still to this day feel that was a mistake
after the darkness in 1976 i was able to teach myself calculus
but then, the gods know i would be a good counselor
and in the past ten years i have helped many abused kids
deal with their problems
i am a children's counselor
and an artist
their churches goal is to "clear" the entire world
regardless of the person's religion
they began this in clearwater and have been quite effective
in their ministry
i fail to see one essential requirement
i see no love what so ever
taught
or seen in their daily activities and interactions
especially towards outsiders
regardless of the person's religion
they began this in clearwater and have been quite effective
in their ministry
i fail to see one essential requirement
i see no love what so ever
taught
or seen in their daily activities and interactions
especially towards outsiders
jay got his first workers comp check today
he is temporary totally disabled due to being in a car accident
while working
he was knocked out
his company went under and they fired him two days after his accident
they were all scientologists
he put up with a lot there
he had to learn L ron hubbard stuff to keep his job
strange group of people those scientologists
to me they seem certainly obsessed with his teachings
i am a sociologist and a counselor by training and trade
and find it rather interesting the way they put all their thoughts together
to make up this pseudo religion they call dianetics
i have done a lot of research on the "religion" they have
and i began with a non-judgemental approach....
i see a great deal of human error in the logic of it
i see a great deal of potential harm it can cause to individuals
they are not allowed to marry out of their religion
they go thru a process called auditing which requires the use
of something called an e meter which is an electrical device, they
consider it a religious artifact, they claim it can measure
"bad thoughts" or in their words, "engrams"
L ron hubbard believes these negative thoughts actually carry
weight in the mind of the human, and there fore it carries "charge"
though the process of auditing they "clear" their minds
of "engrames in the reactive mind"
humans should be taught
above all things
to think for themselves
not to be sheep
he is temporary totally disabled due to being in a car accident
while working
he was knocked out
his company went under and they fired him two days after his accident
they were all scientologists
he put up with a lot there
he had to learn L ron hubbard stuff to keep his job
strange group of people those scientologists
to me they seem certainly obsessed with his teachings
i am a sociologist and a counselor by training and trade
and find it rather interesting the way they put all their thoughts together
to make up this pseudo religion they call dianetics
i have done a lot of research on the "religion" they have
and i began with a non-judgemental approach....
i see a great deal of human error in the logic of it
i see a great deal of potential harm it can cause to individuals
they are not allowed to marry out of their religion
they go thru a process called auditing which requires the use
of something called an e meter which is an electrical device, they
consider it a religious artifact, they claim it can measure
"bad thoughts" or in their words, "engrams"
L ron hubbard believes these negative thoughts actually carry
weight in the mind of the human, and there fore it carries "charge"
though the process of auditing they "clear" their minds
of "engrames in the reactive mind"
humans should be taught
above all things
to think for themselves
not to be sheep
1968
eight grade
i purchase a paperback book from a book club
i am stuck in a below average english class due to making mistakes on
a test last year
the book comes and is cool
it has a tree on the front with a lizard crawling up the tree
there is a frog on a branch
in the background is a village of sorts and
trees and a mountain with a waterfall
there are birds flying over the mountains
the name of the book is
"the fellowship of the ring"
i began reading it and for the next ten years
would re read the trilogy over and over again
my parents and friends thought i was nuts
me rambling on about a certain wizard named gandolf
and a ring
what a wonderful treat to be alive today
and see it on film
it stirs such wonderful memories
that was the year, while walking up stairs at school
a fellow student asked me if i was "queer"
i said doesn't queer mean odd, if so, then indeed yes
thinking back, he was making a proposition
i quess i was 13 years old
those were the years i hid from my next door neighbor, jeff, a
bully, in fear of being plummeted after school
instead of taking the school bus home
i would walk two miles to the daytona beach libary
and look over books and listen to music for two hours
then catch the city bus home
eight grade
i purchase a paperback book from a book club
i am stuck in a below average english class due to making mistakes on
a test last year
the book comes and is cool
it has a tree on the front with a lizard crawling up the tree
there is a frog on a branch
in the background is a village of sorts and
trees and a mountain with a waterfall
there are birds flying over the mountains
the name of the book is
"the fellowship of the ring"
i began reading it and for the next ten years
would re read the trilogy over and over again
my parents and friends thought i was nuts
me rambling on about a certain wizard named gandolf
and a ring
what a wonderful treat to be alive today
and see it on film
it stirs such wonderful memories
that was the year, while walking up stairs at school
a fellow student asked me if i was "queer"
i said doesn't queer mean odd, if so, then indeed yes
thinking back, he was making a proposition
i quess i was 13 years old
those were the years i hid from my next door neighbor, jeff, a
bully, in fear of being plummeted after school
instead of taking the school bus home
i would walk two miles to the daytona beach libary
and look over books and listen to music for two hours
then catch the city bus home
August 21
When you meditate, keep your mouth slightly open as if about to say a deep, relaxing �Aaah.� By keeping the mouth slightly open and breathing mainly through the mouth, it is said that the �karmic winds� that create discursive thoughts are normally less likely to arise and create obstacles in your mind and meditation.
Sogyal Rinpoche
When you meditate, keep your mouth slightly open as if about to say a deep, relaxing �Aaah.� By keeping the mouth slightly open and breathing mainly through the mouth, it is said that the �karmic winds� that create discursive thoughts are normally less likely to arise and create obstacles in your mind and meditation.
Sogyal Rinpoche
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
i dont understand this emotion anger
i know for sure i am not mister spock
when i get mad i cry, not a good thing for a man like myself
but nevertheless i do cry
deep inside i am still a little boy i quess, and i just dont get
it how cruel humanity has become
i am of the mind set, well........
good morning starshine
do you remember that song from hair, i just loved it, and
the age of aquarius, those were the times, in our innocence
we thought we could do lsd and actually change the world
well all i see are brick walls, barbed wire fences around the hearts and mind of man
all is see is darkness and rude drivers
all is see is a society gone mad
i know for sure i am not mister spock
when i get mad i cry, not a good thing for a man like myself
but nevertheless i do cry
deep inside i am still a little boy i quess, and i just dont get
it how cruel humanity has become
i am of the mind set, well........
good morning starshine
do you remember that song from hair, i just loved it, and
the age of aquarius, those were the times, in our innocence
we thought we could do lsd and actually change the world
well all i see are brick walls, barbed wire fences around the hearts and mind of man
all is see is darkness and rude drivers
all is see is a society gone mad
even james could not stand to be around me tonight
earlier i could not stop crying
he kept yelling at me to stop it
well he is not in my brain, and he is not in my shoes
but he is a dear friend
so he has gone out to have dinner with his boyfriend
that is okay, that leaves mr depressed here alone
sippin red bulls and drawing into the dark of the night
i have been pushed down before, i have been stepped and shit upon
i will rise
watch me.....watch me
rise from this stench i call life
earlier i could not stop crying
he kept yelling at me to stop it
well he is not in my brain, and he is not in my shoes
but he is a dear friend
so he has gone out to have dinner with his boyfriend
that is okay, that leaves mr depressed here alone
sippin red bulls and drawing into the dark of the night
i have been pushed down before, i have been stepped and shit upon
i will rise
watch me.....watch me
rise from this stench i call life
so i am eating my somas to stop the muscle spasms
and drinking red bulls to stay awake so i can draw
who does he think he is anyhow
he saw me twice and today he m m i d me
that means, my friends, in his fucin workers comp opinion
i will not get any better then i already am
what it really means is its a way for doctors
to kick the shit out of someone who is in pain
and has no where to turn
well i dont give a fuck
i have cried enuff today
i will forget you, i will bend in the grass
i will have no fear
and drinking red bulls to stay awake so i can draw
who does he think he is anyhow
he saw me twice and today he m m i d me
that means, my friends, in his fucin workers comp opinion
i will not get any better then i already am
what it really means is its a way for doctors
to kick the shit out of someone who is in pain
and has no where to turn
well i dont give a fuck
i have cried enuff today
i will forget you, i will bend in the grass
i will have no fear
well here lies mr depression
drinking his red bulls
and eating chocolate
i hate doctors
Dr. A thinks by fucin with me he can destroy me
he was just tired of my cries of pain
its a fuced up world my friends
the rich get richer
and the poor and injured get screwed
but what do i say
fuck them all
i will stand up and i will draw
drinking his red bulls
and eating chocolate
i hate doctors
Dr. A thinks by fucin with me he can destroy me
he was just tired of my cries of pain
its a fuced up world my friends
the rich get richer
and the poor and injured get screwed
but what do i say
fuck them all
i will stand up and i will draw
help with worker's compensation
if any of you are injured on the job here is a site that has been very helpful
workers compensation is a nightmare
the doctors all work for the insurance companies so no body really cares
about the injured worker
my doctor just screwed me good today, he MMI me after only seeing me twice
i can not even walk without pain
the best advice i can give is hire a good lawyer, that
will keep you from jumping off some bridge
on this site you can post questions for the state you are in
and an adjuster who is cool will answer all your questions
i am just stunned at how cruel some doctors can be
i left the office in tears
even though my mri showed all sorts of problems in my knees
i am just stunned at how cruel some humans can be
he is Doctor "A" of Clearwater, Florida
i am not slandering his name here, but i will voice the facts here
i first saw him on june 7, then i had to wait 12 weeks to see him again
now you tell me, what kind of physician is that?
if any of you are injured on the job here is a site that has been very helpful
workers compensation is a nightmare
the doctors all work for the insurance companies so no body really cares
about the injured worker
my doctor just screwed me good today, he MMI me after only seeing me twice
i can not even walk without pain
the best advice i can give is hire a good lawyer, that
will keep you from jumping off some bridge
on this site you can post questions for the state you are in
and an adjuster who is cool will answer all your questions
i am just stunned at how cruel some doctors can be
i left the office in tears
even though my mri showed all sorts of problems in my knees
i am just stunned at how cruel some humans can be
he is Doctor "A" of Clearwater, Florida
i am not slandering his name here, but i will voice the facts here
i first saw him on june 7, then i had to wait 12 weeks to see him again
now you tell me, what kind of physician is that?
Monday, August 19, 2002
the best part of stetson was this old big building that housed
the art department
in the basement was the ceramic shop and the kilns
i and tool had studios down there
and we would work late at night
and would often get our asses up into the cellar
and climb this twenty foot ladder to the roof
we would get on the roof and look down at the forest of ardon
and watch the full moon move across the sky
no doubt we were tripin
there was a couple i loved
amy and john
wonderful souls
amy and john and tool and this the metallic ape
once we all went and saw the grateful dead
the art department
in the basement was the ceramic shop and the kilns
i and tool had studios down there
and we would work late at night
and would often get our asses up into the cellar
and climb this twenty foot ladder to the roof
we would get on the roof and look down at the forest of ardon
and watch the full moon move across the sky
no doubt we were tripin
there was a couple i loved
amy and john
wonderful souls
amy and john and tool and this the metallic ape
once we all went and saw the grateful dead
so there is this story, its an old epic tale from peru
of a ape who had golden hair
that looked like it was metallic under the sun
his fur was highly praised for its healing properties
i was this ape, an ape born thinking it was human
and becoming human after it met the darkness...
the metallic ape
its somekind of reincarnation thing i quess
its all loaded into my dreams and nightmares each night
i hear sounds and i know i am running
running in fear
being chased by something in the sky
running in the jungles of ancient florida
wet to the bone
of a ape who had golden hair
that looked like it was metallic under the sun
his fur was highly praised for its healing properties
i was this ape, an ape born thinking it was human
and becoming human after it met the darkness...
the metallic ape
its somekind of reincarnation thing i quess
its all loaded into my dreams and nightmares each night
i hear sounds and i know i am running
running in fear
being chased by something in the sky
running in the jungles of ancient florida
wet to the bone
during high school i was way to active in my church
i ran a bus for the bus ministry
ran a children's church on my own, taught sunday school
sang in a ten person ensemble
jesus was my life
i was judgemental and thought jesus was the only way to enlightenment
somewhere shortly after graduation from high school
the first two years at dbcc
i took a philosophy class
and read a book on yoga that just messed with my earlier baptist beliefs
that was another beginning, of opening my mind to the minds of others
that would continue at stetson
i ran a bus for the bus ministry
ran a children's church on my own, taught sunday school
sang in a ten person ensemble
jesus was my life
i was judgemental and thought jesus was the only way to enlightenment
somewhere shortly after graduation from high school
the first two years at dbcc
i took a philosophy class
and read a book on yoga that just messed with my earlier baptist beliefs
that was another beginning, of opening my mind to the minds of others
that would continue at stetson
i worked for eight years at a gas station doing the night shift
in daytona beach at the intersection of volusia and ridgewood
i met trevor there
he would visit early in the morning on his way to work
usually two hours of coffee, and never once mentioned his love interest
hiv was on the raise in the early eighties, everyone was dying
i had worked for two years at the zodiac club
in south daytona, running the spot light for the drag show
and doing way too many drugs
i was recovering from an old injury and was
also taking courses in electronics at daytona beach community college
and taking nautilus courses, that was the beginning of my body building period
i was living at home again, i would take moms car to work, drive it back home, then
jump on my bike and ride back downtown to the gym and then on the beach for
miles and miles
riding a bike on a beach, thats the best
after that i got into counseling at a crisis unit for act corporation
that was a trip, but it was the beginning of many many years
of me counseling abused kids
i wanted to be an artist, but the gods had other plans
they still are messin with my life to this day
in daytona beach at the intersection of volusia and ridgewood
i met trevor there
he would visit early in the morning on his way to work
usually two hours of coffee, and never once mentioned his love interest
hiv was on the raise in the early eighties, everyone was dying
i had worked for two years at the zodiac club
in south daytona, running the spot light for the drag show
and doing way too many drugs
i was recovering from an old injury and was
also taking courses in electronics at daytona beach community college
and taking nautilus courses, that was the beginning of my body building period
i was living at home again, i would take moms car to work, drive it back home, then
jump on my bike and ride back downtown to the gym and then on the beach for
miles and miles
riding a bike on a beach, thats the best
after that i got into counseling at a crisis unit for act corporation
that was a trip, but it was the beginning of many many years
of me counseling abused kids
i wanted to be an artist, but the gods had other plans
they still are messin with my life to this day
so here are their names, all of them
kirby
trevor
terrance
johnny
trevor came to me one august morning, and said "make love to me"
for some unknown reason the word out of my mouth said "no"
trevor was stabbed to death that very morning, his girlfriend called
me up at home that night, now every full moon is "trevor's moon"
kirby was my first lover, i was very very young but it was right and good
kirby died from leukemia
johnny i adored in junior and in high school, we went to church together
and were also in boy scouts together
johnny commited suicide while i was doing summer missionary work in new jersey
i had a premonition something was wrong, and wrote my friend
but they were too late
terrance, the love of my life
was murdered by a shot in the head
so does it appear i am cursed or what
so does it appear indeed i have so many wonderful angels
around me
we all lose loved ones to death
it is my belief and hope, i will make love to each and every one of them
when i become pure energy
so is there sex after death
i have dreamt it is so
kirby
trevor
terrance
johnny
trevor came to me one august morning, and said "make love to me"
for some unknown reason the word out of my mouth said "no"
trevor was stabbed to death that very morning, his girlfriend called
me up at home that night, now every full moon is "trevor's moon"
kirby was my first lover, i was very very young but it was right and good
kirby died from leukemia
johnny i adored in junior and in high school, we went to church together
and were also in boy scouts together
johnny commited suicide while i was doing summer missionary work in new jersey
i had a premonition something was wrong, and wrote my friend
but they were too late
terrance, the love of my life
was murdered by a shot in the head
so does it appear i am cursed or what
so does it appear indeed i have so many wonderful angels
around me
we all lose loved ones to death
it is my belief and hope, i will make love to each and every one of them
when i become pure energy
so is there sex after death
i have dreamt it is so
tool, also was afro american
an artist and studying history at stetson
another body builder
but a soul mate of sorts
a friend better than a lover
one who would join me in walks
through deland's cemetaries and to
the mystical town where mediums live
we ran naked on the beach in new symrna
and explored our minds
it would be tool's words
twenty years later
in 1996 in largo, florida
that would lift the veil off my mind
and by which something strange began
i began to remember the darkness, the reality
of the situation, of the encounter
i began to look again at the sky
and to see the
thing again
an artist and studying history at stetson
another body builder
but a soul mate of sorts
a friend better than a lover
one who would join me in walks
through deland's cemetaries and to
the mystical town where mediums live
we ran naked on the beach in new symrna
and explored our minds
it would be tool's words
twenty years later
in 1996 in largo, florida
that would lift the veil off my mind
and by which something strange began
i began to remember the darkness, the reality
of the situation, of the encounter
i began to look again at the sky
and to see the
thing again
so while i was a student at stetson, and in love with tvd,
i began working at a home for children and adults whom are
developmentally disabled
it was difficult work, but i used my work there when i
did my senior thesis in sociology
i proved a group of "retarded" men could form a "group"
i received a special creativity award when i graduated
from the soc department
that summer, the summer i lost all my friends
i began to do ceramic art work, some of it erotic in nature
i worked under a teacher named dan
and that was the summer that the darkness
invaded my mind and erased all thoughts of its entry
for the next twenty years
that was the summer i met "tool"
i began working at a home for children and adults whom are
developmentally disabled
it was difficult work, but i used my work there when i
did my senior thesis in sociology
i proved a group of "retarded" men could form a "group"
i received a special creativity award when i graduated
from the soc department
that summer, the summer i lost all my friends
i began to do ceramic art work, some of it erotic in nature
i worked under a teacher named dan
and that was the summer that the darkness
invaded my mind and erased all thoughts of its entry
for the next twenty years
that was the summer i met "tool"
poem:
so now my naked friends
i am empowered to take you on a different journey
past my death, past your own
past the daily rigors of nine to five
i propose, and stand here to say
your flesh
is part of the comedy
your perception is really a myth
so why do i bother, so why do i write
because you are more then
what you see in that mirror,
you are more then what you see in that lake.
the only thing with meaning
the only thing
that speaks true
is that silent alarm
set off in my loins
each time you walk by
so now my naked friends
i am empowered to take you on a different journey
past my death, past your own
past the daily rigors of nine to five
i propose, and stand here to say
your flesh
is part of the comedy
your perception is really a myth
so why do i bother, so why do i write
because you are more then
what you see in that mirror,
you are more then what you see in that lake.
the only thing with meaning
the only thing
that speaks true
is that silent alarm
set off in my loins
each time you walk by
needlessto say, that did not sit well
i had applied to do some summer missionary work in a foreign country
through the southern baptist, i had already done two summers
one in new jersey, and one in paducah, kentucky
needlessto say, they turned me down
and i turned away from them all
walked away into my own righteous light
and began the journey i am still on
i had applied to do some summer missionary work in a foreign country
through the southern baptist, i had already done two summers
one in new jersey, and one in paducah, kentucky
needlessto say, they turned me down
and i turned away from them all
walked away into my own righteous light
and began the journey i am still on
i was majoring in sociology
and had been asked to write a paper to be
published in the stetson university school paper
the title was: "is god a homosexual"
now you know they of course changed the title
but one of my favorite sociology professors, mr W.
recognized my style of writing
and asked me one day in front of my class
"david, are all gay men wearing their hair parted in the middle"
so there i was outed and all
naked and a gay blade
the christians ran from me in horror
i was kicked out of allen hall, the baptist campus building
and i moved in next door into the methodist campus building
where i found a whole new group of friends
and where a religion professor one day
saw my lover
terrance
climbing out my bed room window
and had been asked to write a paper to be
published in the stetson university school paper
the title was: "is god a homosexual"
now you know they of course changed the title
but one of my favorite sociology professors, mr W.
recognized my style of writing
and asked me one day in front of my class
"david, are all gay men wearing their hair parted in the middle"
so there i was outed and all
naked and a gay blade
the christians ran from me in horror
i was kicked out of allen hall, the baptist campus building
and i moved in next door into the methodist campus building
where i found a whole new group of friends
and where a religion professor one day
saw my lover
terrance
climbing out my bed room window
of course on a campus so small the news got out
about me
but then again, it was 1976
and everyone was hateful and full of spite toward homo sexuality
i was a ministeral student, and a gay male
and to the southern baptist people
and to the southern baptist convention
there could be no greater sin
as i would find out, in the few weeks and months to come
as i would lose all my "christian" friends, and for a time
lose the love of my family
as i stood strong in the face of my god
as i stood strong and alone in the face of my church
and yelled and screamed
I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN!
about me
but then again, it was 1976
and everyone was hateful and full of spite toward homo sexuality
i was a ministeral student, and a gay male
and to the southern baptist people
and to the southern baptist convention
there could be no greater sin
as i would find out, in the few weeks and months to come
as i would lose all my "christian" friends, and for a time
lose the love of my family
as i stood strong in the face of my god
as i stood strong and alone in the face of my church
and yelled and screamed
I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN!
so hello naked friend
is the ground so firm i can no longer feel you?
you dance and run in my dreams each night
your midnight smiles make me hard to the touch
i remember the first time i held you in my arms
you crept into my dorm room window
and made love to me all night
i was not ready for your hard embrace
it hurt me so
what i would do now to feel that hurt again
to find myself under your black weight again
to feel that blackness inside me
i would die a thousand deaths
to just once feel your thick lips against mine
dave hell
is the ground so firm i can no longer feel you?
you dance and run in my dreams each night
your midnight smiles make me hard to the touch
i remember the first time i held you in my arms
you crept into my dorm room window
and made love to me all night
i was not ready for your hard embrace
it hurt me so
what i would do now to feel that hurt again
to find myself under your black weight again
to feel that blackness inside me
i would die a thousand deaths
to just once feel your thick lips against mine
dave hell
good FUCIN world
dont you just love doctors and physicians
who tell you you are not in pain
and prescribe crap to make your physical pain worse
this one doctor i saw once 12 weeks ago, and i see him again
this week
for 12 weeks i have begged for better pain managment
and all i get is crap and rude phone calls
so how will i cope?
i will stand in the face of moroons
and i will remember
and i will write
for me!
for i am the FUCKIN METALLIC APE
dont you just love doctors and physicians
who tell you you are not in pain
and prescribe crap to make your physical pain worse
this one doctor i saw once 12 weeks ago, and i see him again
this week
for 12 weeks i have begged for better pain managment
and all i get is crap and rude phone calls
so how will i cope?
i will stand in the face of moroons
and i will remember
and i will write
for me!
for i am the FUCKIN METALLIC APE
good FUCKING morning world
most of my days these days start like this
pain, pain, and more pain
pain in my knees, my back, and my neck
pain from restraining abused kids for over a year at
my old place of work, a place called Kids In Distress
in Wilton Manors, Florida
dont you just love worker's compensation
they hang you out to dry
they spit on you and hope for you to die
but in spite of physical pain, i am still here
and i will still remember, and i will still write.
most of my days these days start like this
pain, pain, and more pain
pain in my knees, my back, and my neck
pain from restraining abused kids for over a year at
my old place of work, a place called Kids In Distress
in Wilton Manors, Florida
dont you just love worker's compensation
they hang you out to dry
they spit on you and hope for you to die
but in spite of physical pain, i am still here
and i will still remember, and i will still write.
Sunday, August 18, 2002
on the way back from tampa that weekend, the alternator
in the car went bad, and we could not stop the car , as the
battery would die and we would be stuck in no wheres land
between the west and the east coasts of florida
so we drove non stop in the dark
in the night
with no lights
as fast as we could
and as blind as four bats
that four hour darkness turned us four inside out
it changed us somehow
we made it all the way
we did not die
for some kind of energy got us
it was teenage wasteland that summer
and teenage love that got us home
in the car went bad, and we could not stop the car , as the
battery would die and we would be stuck in no wheres land
between the west and the east coasts of florida
so we drove non stop in the dark
in the night
with no lights
as fast as we could
and as blind as four bats
that four hour darkness turned us four inside out
it changed us somehow
we made it all the way
we did not die
for some kind of energy got us
it was teenage wasteland that summer
and teenage love that got us home
tampa was like the city of joy and freedom
it was a four hour drive from daytona to the west coast of florida
and the whole way we listened to
"teen age waste land"
over and over again on the stereo of the car
we stayed at a hotel in downtown tampa, just right
across the street from the university there
this was way before the dali museum was founded in st petersburg
across the bay
but inside our minds, souls, and bodies
rested a drive to be different, and to be heard
it was a four hour drive from daytona to the west coast of florida
and the whole way we listened to
"teen age waste land"
over and over again on the stereo of the car
we stayed at a hotel in downtown tampa, just right
across the street from the university there
this was way before the dali museum was founded in st petersburg
across the bay
but inside our minds, souls, and bodies
rested a drive to be different, and to be heard
T and I sure knew how to have fun
we were both on the annual staff at mainland
we and two others drove to tampa one weekend
to attend an annual staff conference
and instead
we ended up
watching
"clock work orange"
and sleeping together
it was me and lisa
in one bed
and them in the other bed
i quess that was the first time i slept with a girl
clock work orange was just great, we were eighteen years old
and it was like XXXX rated
and i just loved it
we were both on the annual staff at mainland
we and two others drove to tampa one weekend
to attend an annual staff conference
and instead
we ended up
watching
"clock work orange"
and sleeping together
it was me and lisa
in one bed
and them in the other bed
i quess that was the first time i slept with a girl
clock work orange was just great, we were eighteen years old
and it was like XXXX rated
and i just loved it
the high school years found me dating both
girls and boys
and double dating with my best friend, "T"
i went to the prom with the daughter of one of my teachers
i bought her flowers
and we ate at julians in ormond beach
she was also the girl that
helped me out when i entered the
"mr mainland" contest in, i guess, it was
1973
i was the director of the interclub councel
and was on some other fancy board of popular kids
so they sponsored me
and for my skit
i dressed up like a purple hippo
and did a dance and a strip tease
i dont think anyone had heard of "drag"
back then
much less some boy
who was an eagle scout
who was a jesus freak
who was a southern baptist
dressing up like a female hippp pot o mus
and taking off all my clothes
to the laughter of hundreds
what was i thinking?
girls and boys
and double dating with my best friend, "T"
i went to the prom with the daughter of one of my teachers
i bought her flowers
and we ate at julians in ormond beach
she was also the girl that
helped me out when i entered the
"mr mainland" contest in, i guess, it was
1973
i was the director of the interclub councel
and was on some other fancy board of popular kids
so they sponsored me
and for my skit
i dressed up like a purple hippo
and did a dance and a strip tease
i dont think anyone had heard of "drag"
back then
much less some boy
who was an eagle scout
who was a jesus freak
who was a southern baptist
dressing up like a female hippp pot o mus
and taking off all my clothes
to the laughter of hundreds
what was i thinking?
so, in thinking back to my first post, it all started in
1976, not 1996
but it was for those twenty years i had amnesia
as something "bad" happened in 1976 in the black skys above deland, florida
while i was a student at stetson university, something
black
that forced itself into my mind
and then out again
for those were the years when it seemed black was good and bad
i was in love with a male black lover
named terrance van d.
1976, not 1996
but it was for those twenty years i had amnesia
as something "bad" happened in 1976 in the black skys above deland, florida
while i was a student at stetson university, something
black
that forced itself into my mind
and then out again
for those were the years when it seemed black was good and bad
i was in love with a male black lover
named terrance van d.
so was it heaven or hell, in the mid sixties
i think a little bit of both
i tried my best to read and understand "great expectations"
i did very bad and flunked out of english
i did not understand, or come to appreciate that novel
until 1996
its everyones dream to become famous as an artist
at least it was one of mine
i think a little bit of both
i tried my best to read and understand "great expectations"
i did very bad and flunked out of english
i did not understand, or come to appreciate that novel
until 1996
its everyones dream to become famous as an artist
at least it was one of mine
from fifth and sixth grades we moved up into junior high
mainland junior high
and a group of friends
and a group of young lovers
i think it was 1965
at that age i did not know anything about jacking off
but i could quote you words and words right out of jesus' bible
to do unto others as you would have them do unto you
mainland junior high
and a group of friends
and a group of young lovers
i think it was 1965
at that age i did not know anything about jacking off
but i could quote you words and words right out of jesus' bible
to do unto others as you would have them do unto you
i remember fifth grade, my english teacher screaming at me
at the top of her voice
my mothers's maiden name was "hale"
and when i said the word is sounded like "HELL"
and no matter how hard i tried, it came out hell
and this teacher just screamed and screamed at me
in front of all the class,
she was screaming i was teasing her, and making fun
and trying to be a trouble maker
and all along, i was saying hale and not hell
i was saying the last name of my nana, ms. hale
so this teacher, an adult, an authority figure, misunderstood
me, and my intentions, so even when i wanted to be good
it came out sounding like i was bad
at the top of her voice
my mothers's maiden name was "hale"
and when i said the word is sounded like "HELL"
and no matter how hard i tried, it came out hell
and this teacher just screamed and screamed at me
in front of all the class,
she was screaming i was teasing her, and making fun
and trying to be a trouble maker
and all along, i was saying hale and not hell
i was saying the last name of my nana, ms. hale
so this teacher, an adult, an authority figure, misunderstood
me, and my intentions, so even when i wanted to be good
it came out sounding like i was bad
i remember fifth grade, i want to think it was hurst elementary but it was highland
i was in love with a girl, i think her name was donna
i brought her some flowers one day from my nana's garden
and all the kids laughed at me, and made fun at me
and said my body was shaped like a girls body
it hurt, but i remember that girl, she got married in high school early
that was at mainland senior high in daytona beach, florida
i was in love with a girl, i think her name was donna
i brought her some flowers one day from my nana's garden
and all the kids laughed at me, and made fun at me
and said my body was shaped like a girls body
it hurt, but i remember that girl, she got married in high school early
that was at mainland senior high in daytona beach, florida
i was considered by my mother as a golden child
it was as if some kind of yellow light was around me all the time
i really believed that the love of christ could and would change the world
my world
so for my first eighteen years, every thought i had came true
every dream manifested itself in reality
god was real
and he, she, them, was, were my best friend, friends.
it was as if some kind of yellow light was around me all the time
i really believed that the love of christ could and would change the world
my world
so for my first eighteen years, every thought i had came true
every dream manifested itself in reality
god was real
and he, she, them, was, were my best friend, friends.
so it seemed okay to love jesus, kirby w., boyscouts, my male friends
at first baptist in daytona
so it seemed okay to love matt, and to try out new things when
we would camp out in each other back yards, or at scout camp in august
august was always a majical time, it would always start on august eight
august eight of each and every year
it would start
at first baptist in daytona
so it seemed okay to love matt, and to try out new things when
we would camp out in each other back yards, or at scout camp in august
august was always a majical time, it would always start on august eight
august eight of each and every year
it would start
i remember going to church as a teen ager and turning all my friends
onto the musical "jesus christ superstar"
i was also listening to "hair" and was in love with led zepplain
i was a jesus freak, and in tenth grade, and popular at church and school
and all along feeling this fight inside of me, because i wanted to love males
and i was a male
and jesus tells me this is bad
i even had trouble after masturbating, i would pray to god to forgive me
onto the musical "jesus christ superstar"
i was also listening to "hair" and was in love with led zepplain
i was a jesus freak, and in tenth grade, and popular at church and school
and all along feeling this fight inside of me, because i wanted to love males
and i was a male
and jesus tells me this is bad
i even had trouble after masturbating, i would pray to god to forgive me